Lent, time to give it up

Lent is a special time for all Christians to purify our hearts of sin and substitue the sin of choice with prayer. In some cases we look at our lives and check our hearts to see where we can do better. To some, Lent is a time to give up bad habits for 40 days. For others it's a time to give it up for good.

But what is it that one gives up for Lent? Some give up smoking, some others red meat or beer. My Bible class teacher said once "whatever is more important or interesting than following God is a sin" (thanks Buddy, I was listening!). So what is it that I want to give up for Lent this year?

I am giving up something very important to me, and I hope to carry this out for a whole lot longer than 40 days. I am giving up MY FREE WILL. For a change, I'll let God do His will in my life. Fighting hard to get somewhere might be very respectable and good. But what good is it if it's not blessed by God? What good is anything we do without it being to praise and honor our Creator?

I am in a tough spot right now, between choosing my own fate or letting God take the lead on this. But today my heart was at peace after praying. I know that whatever happens, if I let God take the reins, everything will be ok. In this sense, I am not giving anything up, but substituting it with something a lot better. To me, this is the meaning of Lent.

What are you giving up and substituting for a little more God time this season?

Homeless...ouch!

I have been pondering on what I should write about this week. I have had a pretty hard time finding the positive lesson in this mess. But then I realized that none of the things that are happening are bad, UNLESS I choose that point of view.

I received a letter from the building management telling me that I have till the end of April to move out of the place I have called home for almost 4 years. I don't know very well how it works in other states or countries but finding an apartment fulfilling the requirements that the social services ask for here is almost like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I am in the middle of getting a place for my internship. I am also trying to get into one of the advanced German classes, have courses during the day, study for my other career at night. I have a kid, a household, bills, friends, family. I get no sleep!!!

So when everything got very overwhelming, I thought of King David and his prayers, how he would wake up in the middle of the night and have no solution for his problems. I thought of how he prayed all through the night for God to give him wisdom for the next day. I thought that maybe I should do what the wise King David did: I prayed every time I could. I prayed between bouts of sleeplessness, in the bus, in the shower, you get the idea...

And then something happened. I listened to the people around me and they gave me tips and suggestions I could follow. And one of them was to call the Bishop's office and they pretty much solved the issue. The only thing I needed was to keep the faith and move.

God always believes in us, even when we don't. He never burdens us more than we can take. And when we start having doubts about ourselves, He sends us friends and family to cheer us on throughout life. God also doesn't want us to stay put and safe. God made us for more. He wants us to be smart, brave, wise, successful and most of all, He made us to go into the world fearlessly and take it by storm.

The way I now see it is that He gave me the oportunity to go to a new apartment building, to come out of my comfort zone and make something bigger and better of myself. He believes in me. I take on the challenge with His blessing. Things will be good! All it takes is a little faith. Somehow, even the most complicated things in life solve themselves and when I look back, I realize that God had this thing covered long before I fell into it. So that's it. I'm not worrying. I am putting all of my faith into the fact that God has it covered.

Thank you for (not) believing in me!

Ok so now you know a few details about me, my life and my current wacky situation. I was born and raised in Guatemala city, I came to Germany, married and divorced a german, have a beautiful girl and live in a tiny apartment.
I am the perfect example of what you may call mediocre!

I could have been the best, had I not been such a mediocre rebel during puberty. I am really smart, like friggin nerd smart! But I was too comfortable living off of other people's compliments. I was in my comfort zone and perfectly happy to be mediocre.


When I graduated from school, all I wanted was to leave home and do something with myself. I had absolutely no idea what it was but as mom put it "just not get preggers with 18". I came to Germany as an au-pair and mediocrity followed me on the plane. Not even I believed that I would make it here. I then met my ex-husband, who was abusive in every sense, and had a kid with him.

At some point he said to me during a fight: "Maria, you are a NOBODY! You are less than that, you will never amount to anything here. You will always be a loser." And that, ladies and gentlemen was the day this rebel was born, not halfway about it but seriously rebellious about it.

I chose to do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to prove this guy wrong. Of course, those words really hurt me. Of course, that was a bad thing to say, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me too. It had to do with what I did after receiving that information, what changed my life.

I decided to leave him, went back home and worked my butt off, at times having 3 jobs simultaneously. I helped out at home, I had my kid to take care of and I made a name for myself. After that, I decided Guatemala was definitely not the place where I could become more. So I moved back to Germany. When I did, my ex was working at a supermarket carrying pallets around while I was doing direct customer service at a renowned agency. I worked with a big banker firm, I became somebody even here.

Then the issue with my legs happened. I was in a wheelchair when the doctors told me I would never be able to walk without a limp. I had 3 surgeries within one year and survived them all alone. They told me I could never kneel again. They told me I could never run or ride a bicycle. And the little rebel in me decided to prove them wrong. I did it. I can chase after busses and I can run, jump and even dance salsa. Because of somebody who once told me I could never make it.

Last week I was told that I would never be able to get a degree here in Germany. They said that maybe they would take me in at the local supermarket or post office, but I should not expect more. Can you guess what the little rebel said to that??? Yes, my friends, it has become a fun challenge to prove these people wrong too!

I will turn 30 this year. I have nothing to put to my name other than the fact that I am what I am and have what I have and I have fought for every bit of it. Maybe that is not enough for you, maybe it sounds mediocre. But have you ever met a walking cripple? Or a loser with a future and a degree? I'm close to finishing it.

I hope this story inspires you and that you take what other people say bad about you and turn it to your benefit. I hope that the ugly words from others become the fuel for your rocket and that you reach the skies. Because you deserve it, I hope that somebody doesn't believe in you and you prove them wrong and go "HA, in your face!". What a glorious feeling!

Do you have any "in your face" anecdotes? I would so love to hear about them!