Today I went from the 'sweet kissy kissy girlfriend' to the 'bashing your head in with my purse monster' in about 2 minutes. I think that was my personal best time!
What brought on this quite sudden change in my otherwise such amicable personality? It just came up in the conversation. The fact that I feel like I am not being taken seriously. When I am with somebody, I want them to be proud of it. I want my friends, family, co-workers and partner to think that it's really cool to be seen with me, that we are in some way close and that they think it's cool to be close to me.
That is why it hurts me when my boyfriend, who I have been with on and off since 2010, hasn't even told his parents that we are together. He has never introduced me to his friends either. He won't even change his Facebook status because it's nobody's business. It makes me really sad and insecure, like I am not worth being shown off. I think I have so much to offer, I'm a relatively good person, smart, and maybe I'm not so gorgeous but I can't be that ugly either. I just don't get it! Is he ashamed of me? Am I his dirty little secret? Why?
However, I got a little secret of my own. There is someone I do the same thing to. I only talk to him in the dark, when nobody is watching or listening. We go to our little secret place together and I don't tell anybody about it. It's nobody's business. When people around me trash talk Him, I don't say anything. When people have a different opinion, I don't come out of the closet and proclain to all that I love God. I just sit there and shut up and pretend I don't know Him sometimes, when it's not cool to be a Christian. I treat Him like my dirty little secret!!
Is that loving God at all? Is that the way to love anybody at all?
I realize I am not much different from my boyfriend. I act ashamed of God, the creator of the universe, the stars, this whole planet and everything living, down to the smallest atom. Although He is... beyond words to describe how awesome He is, I still lack the balls to show Him off to the people around me.
I can only say I know how He feels when I do that to Him. If I were in God's shoes, I would slap me in the face and close the pearly gates on me.
Do you treat somebody as your little secret?
