Ok ok I agree, I think I am venting on my blog about stuff that is not completely 100% Christian. But I think that is why I started blogging in the first place. I am writing a one-year journal about the stuff that happens to me and how I see it as a christian.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty yucky. I am fighting off 3 different infections, I am having some awful side effects which need even more medication and I had to work, take my kid to her gymnastics class, cook, go into the city to run an errand and then pick up my kid on the other side of town from her class. That meant being outside in the rain and cold for about 8 hours straight. And then I had to look pretty and be nice because my guy was coming over.
He knows that I am sick. Nobody is happy and shiny every day. And yesterday was certainly not my day at all!!! But what made it really fall apart was how it ended.
I was watching a movie on cable TV when he came over. I really wanted to watch this romantic chick flick while snuggling up in my sofa with a big warm blanket and forget the awful day I had just had. And even better, to cuddle up and just hang out with him. However, I was not planning on what my guy expected from me. He wanted me to be all over him and kiss him, entertain him, talk and be merry. I just didn't have the energy for that. So at some point he said he hated the damn movie, he wanted me to take care of him and I said no. And then he said "I think the money I gave out this week to come visit you was not worth it".
Because of a bad day, the whole effort of the week had gone down the drain. And on top, I felt like a cheap whore. In my ears, that rang dangerously like "The money I paid for your services was not worth it". And I am a tough kid. I have been called pretty much everything in the book of insults. I have deserved some. Some I have not. And for my boyfriend to make me feel like a cheap whore just because one night I felt like watching a movie just did me in. Of course, I kicked him out.
So I laid there last night wondering what I thought was my worth. Am I worth an insult? sometimes. Am I worth a lot of money? Maybe if you sell me by parts. Am I worth a little or a lot?
And then that little voice I often disregard told me "you are worth so much that I gave my life for you".
That sentence filled with so much meaning made me change my perspective. I am worth a lot more than he gives me credit for! I deserve my boyfriend to realize that I am the kid from Guatemala who has worked her ass off to be in Germany. I am the mother who has taken care of her kid almost single-handedly all of her life. I am the woman who has survived 12 surgeries and illness all of my life. I am worth a whole lot!! And I deserve a lot. And if he can't see that, then it's his short-sightedness. I am worth every penny. And I am even worth being introduced properly to his parents, but still, if he can't see that, then it's his loss. I'm proud of me and know my worth. Jesus came to save me, and that is what I'm worth! And that is pretty big for me.
Have you had anybody question or tell you your worth?
PS: I was just thinking of a post from Tamara Lunardo at http://deeperstory.com/whats-a-girl-worth
I am a big fan of her writing! Maybe you'll discover her too?
Yesterday I was feeling pretty yucky. I am fighting off 3 different infections, I am having some awful side effects which need even more medication and I had to work, take my kid to her gymnastics class, cook, go into the city to run an errand and then pick up my kid on the other side of town from her class. That meant being outside in the rain and cold for about 8 hours straight. And then I had to look pretty and be nice because my guy was coming over.
He knows that I am sick. Nobody is happy and shiny every day. And yesterday was certainly not my day at all!!! But what made it really fall apart was how it ended.
I was watching a movie on cable TV when he came over. I really wanted to watch this romantic chick flick while snuggling up in my sofa with a big warm blanket and forget the awful day I had just had. And even better, to cuddle up and just hang out with him. However, I was not planning on what my guy expected from me. He wanted me to be all over him and kiss him, entertain him, talk and be merry. I just didn't have the energy for that. So at some point he said he hated the damn movie, he wanted me to take care of him and I said no. And then he said "I think the money I gave out this week to come visit you was not worth it".
Because of a bad day, the whole effort of the week had gone down the drain. And on top, I felt like a cheap whore. In my ears, that rang dangerously like "The money I paid for your services was not worth it". And I am a tough kid. I have been called pretty much everything in the book of insults. I have deserved some. Some I have not. And for my boyfriend to make me feel like a cheap whore just because one night I felt like watching a movie just did me in. Of course, I kicked him out.
So I laid there last night wondering what I thought was my worth. Am I worth an insult? sometimes. Am I worth a lot of money? Maybe if you sell me by parts. Am I worth a little or a lot?
And then that little voice I often disregard told me "you are worth so much that I gave my life for you".
That sentence filled with so much meaning made me change my perspective. I am worth a lot more than he gives me credit for! I deserve my boyfriend to realize that I am the kid from Guatemala who has worked her ass off to be in Germany. I am the mother who has taken care of her kid almost single-handedly all of her life. I am the woman who has survived 12 surgeries and illness all of my life. I am worth a whole lot!! And I deserve a lot. And if he can't see that, then it's his short-sightedness. I am worth every penny. And I am even worth being introduced properly to his parents, but still, if he can't see that, then it's his loss. I'm proud of me and know my worth. Jesus came to save me, and that is what I'm worth! And that is pretty big for me.
Have you had anybody question or tell you your worth?
PS: I was just thinking of a post from Tamara Lunardo at http://deeperstory.com/whats-a-girl-worth
I am a big fan of her writing! Maybe you'll discover her too?
Oh, Marie! I am so glad you heard that voice of truth and believed it. xo
ReplyDeleteThank YOU Tamara, for taking the time to read my post! :) And yes, I am glad that I heard that little voice for a change.
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