A benefit of growing old and wise is knowing when to give up on something. Picking your battles really can lower your risk of heartache and anger episodes. Heck, it might even save you a restraining order or two! Like when you choose to fight with a good friend over different points of view. And depending on how strongly you feel about your beliefs or point of view and the love you feel for that friend, that's just how much the opposing person's opinion is going affect you on the emotional level.
When I was married to my ex, we were both very young and inexperienced. And we got on each other's throats on a daily basis. But I always wondered why it was that whenever HE said something, no matter how stupid or sarcastic it was, he would always make me want to cry. That was it! One sentence and he could ruin my whole day! But it was actually my fault, as I later discovered.
With time, I learned that I did have a choice in how I could respond to things. I can give any person within my inner bounds a specific place of importance. The more irrelevant I made him in my mind, the less he was able to affect me. The less attention I paid him, the less he could ruin my day with his hurtful remarks. And at some point, I guess I built a wall around me where it didn't matter what people said to me, I could take it. But that was the other extreme. Because I realized that I had stopped showing emotions completely. I walled out my ex along with my ability to feel strongly about anything coming from anybody. That was when I learned that I could choose exactly how important he was to me or not.
But there has to be a healthy middle ground somewhere, I thought!! And precisely that is the point you have to reach to make your decision wisely. If you consciously let in the message you are receiving, then you also have to deal with the consequences of the words. Some are edifying and good. Others are devastating. All words have a certain degree of power.
This is why I choose consciously to surround myself with people who are optimistic, positive, happy, loving, balanced, morally centered, child friendly, interesting and smart. And they feed me that which I am so hungry for: the right kind of attention. They also fill me with a bit of themselves with their encouraging, loving, interesting, positive words. And that is where I hope and strive to belong.
The other sort of people in my life have gone their separate ways, because we no longer have anything in common. Those people who suck the energy out of you, those are especially the ones you have to be careful with. Make sure not to reject them downright! But also make sure to be in a balanced point within yourself. It's easy to get pulled into a bottomless pit of despair when the people who you choose to surround yourself with are in this hole and you are dangling from the edge yourself. And they might not even notice it! The only thing you can do is be there for them for a very small amount of time. As long as they don't pull you down too. And people who have nothing better to do than nag about others are not the kind of people you want to hang around with anyway. I had to say goodbye to a friend today who made me realize that I felt very lonely when he was around. He made me feel worthless often enough. So I had a clean break with him. We didn't part in any ugly terms. But we realized that the only thing we had in common was our past and that we once felt similarly about things. But I changed. And we branched in two very different life roads. Sometimes it's hard to let go but it's always for the best. There's no shame in that.
If this old lady can give you advice on this precise subject, it's this:
Make sure you know your worth (just in case you weren't sure, you are worth a whole lot!!!).
Don't do things for and with people who bring you down, just because you are accustomed to it.
Your time and resources are valuable.
Surround yourself with people you admire.
That which makes them great rubs off on you in the long run!
There are people who will be there for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime, so learn to recognize them and value them for as long as you have them.
If they part from your life, it's for a good reason. Let them go their way and wish them well on their journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment